it's been so long that i've updated my blog...

it's strange, that i will reach a stage in life that i will feel like being reclusive. like people might tell u they care, but at the end of the day, i'm stil alone... facing my predicament alone...

always remembered a story told to me a long time ago...
a little saw his father using the razor to shave,
and wanted to use it too
but his father said
he can only use it when he gets older.

god doesn't let us have everything we want.
insisting on having it, will only cause hurt.
letting go would have saved me so much pain.
and worse, when there is no one who can share your pain.
many times, i sit alone and think... what if i had chosen a different path...
as expected - no answer...

in life (mine at least) people come and people go...
somehow or other, change is inevitable...
what happens when the change becomes unacceptable, even detestable?
shd i still stick to it?
being me, i'd rather just hold on to the beautiful memories...
like butterflies that rise up in the air n flies by u once in a while...
i've heard that butterflies' wings get damaged once u hold them by their wings...
i love butterflies... their random flight, their beauty... and their fragility..
and the fact that u can never really catch them...
some things are not worth chasing after
like reflections in a pond, butterflies and the beauty of a rose that will bloom and wither

i remember loving this saying -
"if u love something set it free.
if it comes back, it is yours.
if it doesn't, it was never meant to be."
used to so believe in it... haaa... the beauty of teenage naivety
what if it does come back, or it never left u... r u so sure that it will remain yours?
what makes u so sure that holding on to it would not cause pain?
does it mean if it comes back, it will not leave u? or shd u set it free again?
life... is so fragile... people make plans for the next wk, the next month, and the next 5, 10, 20 years...
yet u can't even control whether u'll grow a strand of white hair tomorrow...
the irony of human naivety...
a most cynical person can change to become the most emotional one
a most sincere person can change to be the most skeptical one
a most emotional person can turn out to be the most rational person

if my life was a movie, and everyone who acted in this movie would have their names in the credits... i'm glad to have provided a stage where they can b who they want to be...